Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize