too bad you live with your parents still
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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