Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
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