Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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