so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Randomize
