Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
