Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
