Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
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