I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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