Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
