I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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