Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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