fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
