I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
