bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
My dick has a subreddit
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
