i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
