I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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