and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
