So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
the day after is always just damage control
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
