ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
