I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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