You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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