it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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