no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Sorry my hands just texted you
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
