He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
