yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
okay pat passed out under dana's car
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
