The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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