i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
