That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
