last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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