Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
