my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
i now understand why vodka
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
