i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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