Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
How does it feel to date your dad?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Randomize
