I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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