youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
