my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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