I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
