The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
