Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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