got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
