none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
oh god the rape fog is back!
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
