Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
