Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
