I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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