I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
