we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
