i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
