he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize