Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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