Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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