Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Randomize
