i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
