No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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