She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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