I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
