I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
