you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I deserve this hangover.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
