fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize