would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Randomize
