I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
