what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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