I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
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