Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
